Zeno Clash in 20 words, in no particular order:

Broken man kills hermaphrodite progenitor, siblings get angry. Chase ensues. Lots of melee. Blind marksman. Source Engine goodness. Fish guns.

Also: torches.

You’ve just learned everything you need to know about Zeno Clash!

In all seriousness, $20 indie darling Zeno Clash is an FPS-with-emphasis-on-fighting (much like Condemned, if Condemned were set in tribal times and everyone was either a bird, a chicken, a pig, or ugly) from the Chilean ACE Team, their first commercial release. For the Source Engine–and I say this as someone who has both worked with the engine and played nearly every game built upon it–it’s very well polished, and the level geometry defies the typical brushes-with-prefab-decorations of most Source games. It’s also pretty innovative on the gameplay front–very few games these days put fisticuffs at the forefront as this does.

The graphics are spectacular, with perfect shaders rounding off well-designed characters and levels. The fights can be frustrating, very frustrating, actually, but once you get the hang of the punch-people-a-lot-then-shoot-them-then-skullbomb triangle, you can win almost every fight easily.

Although many people complain about the monotony of the constant fights, it was broken up for me by the occasional introduction of “big guys” as I called them, semi-bosses which you can only fight and kill using huge blunt weapons such as anvils and hammers. There is also a section in the middle of the game–coincidentally, the End of the World–in which you are required to keep torches alight using a magic wand that shoots insta-kill fireballs. It’s a lot cooler and more fun than it sounds as I describe it.

In short (and Zeno Clash is short :P), I thoroughly enjoyed the game. I finished it, and any game which I finish must have done quite a few things right. It’s a compelling experience, and for $20 it can’t be beat. ACE Team’s inaugural commercial outing is worthy of a spot on a store shelf–maybe one day they’ll pick up a publisher and go for it. But, for all its faults in the combat and the occasional patchy voice acting, this is a great game–even though the ending will remind you a lot of an unfinished story.

Zeno Clash can be purchased for $20 on Steam, and I recommend any and everyone to do so.

Don’t open The Box.

Game Info

Developer: Spark Unlimited
Publisher: Gamecock Media Group
Release Date: November 4, 2008
Genre: First-person shooter
Available Platforms: Xbox 360, PS3, PC
Modes: Singleplayer, competitive online
Reviewer’s Experience: Played to the final level of the single-player game on PC. Multiplayer modes not tested due to lack of players and reliable servers.

Throughout the long and arduous process of building the latest iteration of my gaming PC, I discovered that I was building up quite a stock of free games. One of which was Far Cry 2, which is far too boring to even deserve any kind, taste, or flavor of review. The other was the (Arguably. -Ed.) legendary Legendary: The Box, henceforth referred to as Legendary.

Now, before I go on a never-ending rant, let me talk about some of the nice things about this game. The graphics are pretty good, I’d say a little bit below, oh, what’s a game that all of you peons who might actually read this would know? Let’s use BioShock, mostly because both games utilize Epic Games’ Unreal Engine 3. Now, BioShock was released upon the world in mid-ish-2007, whereas The Box was opened back in late 2008, so I will do my best to take into account the numerous engine updates that can come within such a timeframe. Either way, it’s still fairly pretty, albeit with no antialiasing, something that has always hurt my view of Unreal Engine.

The one main thing I’d like to point out about the graphics in this game is the astounding use of nVIDIA’s PhysX technology. Cloths sway in the breeze, buildings crumble as griffons fly into buildings to grab the nearest meal. Possibly the most amazing thing I saw throughout my whole adventure with this game is whilst fighting a massive Kraken in London, it grabbed Big Ben with one of its tentacles and ripped the building down. I literally messed my pants when I saw that. Cleaning myself up, let’s move on to the story.

Ahem, so, story, uhh, well, there’s this guy, he’s a thief, his name’s Charles Deckard, and he has to steal Pandora’s Box and do…something with it. Basically, upon this happening, the proverbial shit hits the fan, except the shit is made of mythological creatures. From there it’s up to Deckard and his random blonde girlfriend whose name I can’t remember to set off and save the world. There’s not much else, something about warring ancient secret societies and you go to London and…yeah. Listen, I won’t bore you with the details, the story is by no means what you should play this game for, as it definitely surpasses the qualifications of what the common folk call “retarded”.

OK, gameplay time. It is a first person shooter. It has guns, some grenades, and, oh, molotovs. Refreshing.

Is it blatantly obvious that I’m rushing through this review? Well to be quite honest, I didn’t even finish the damn game. As I discovered on the very last level, the elevator that’s supposed to take you to the top of the Combine Citadel in beautiful City 17, er, I’m sorry, the Black Order Tower in the middle of a destroyed and gleefully boring New York City, well…let’s just say that it doesn’t exist, at least for me. Upon entering the elevator, I immediately fell out into the nice, red, bloody skybox to my imminent doom. Yeah, this happened a couple times, so I happily surrendered to the bad game gods and started writing this piece of shit.

Overall, I’d have to say my favorite part of this game was the nap I took a few hours ago whilst trying to beat it. It’s buggy, it’s boring, but it would make a good tech demo if they boosted the quality of the textures and added some anitaliasing to this otherwise meh game. It has the makings of a quality cult-following kind of game, but it’s definitely understandable as to why it couldn’t compete in the bigger markets. In the end, I give this game a “meh (with nod),” sparking that I’d say it’s definitely not the worst thing I’ve played for a while and I’d recommend it if you’re impatiently awaiting some big release (as I know I am) and you’ve got an extra 10 bucks lying around.

That is all.

And that’s the last time I’ll be using the full title.

As much as I’d love to do a full review of the title, I don’t have the time. So I’ll simply talk about it for a bit.

F.E.A.R. 2 is a solid current-gen corridor shooter with a high level of polish, beautiful graphics, and a bit of a convoluted story. That is all.

No, I wouldn’t do that. Let’s start by talking about graphics and aesthetics.

F.E.A.R. was something of an intermediary step in generations. Though it used parallax mapping and real-time effects well, we look on it today as having fairly low-resolution textures, along with aliasing problems and shadows too hard for their own good.

F.E.A.R. 2 is different. It’s a wholly current-gen game. The lighting model is well done, antialiasing works evenly, it runs well on computers of all specs, and the textures are basically all high-res. I do miss the flying concrete dust, and, as many have complained, the bullet holes seem significantly downgraded (in FEAR, they appeared almost 3D–here they fall quite literally flat); but these problems are insignificant to the whole picture of a beautiful game.

That’s the graphics for you. Now, let’s talk about gameplay.

FEAR2 is strictly a corridor shooter. There’s almost no puzzle solving, and a minimal amount of exploration. That being said, it’s a damn fun corridor shooter. I never finished the first FEAR. It never sucked me in. This one has, and I actually finished it. It’s pretty rare that I finish a game.

The guns feel like guns, here, whereas in the original I found them a bit flimsy. There’s also a few key incredible setpieces–like one sequence where you battle Replica forces on tram cars speeding through a miles-long cargo tunnel. If you like the introductory train sequence of games like Half-Life and the second, imagine battling another train car as you ride into Black Mesa. Only the train cars can pivot. It’s been done before, definitely, but here’s it’s done quite well.

The scares here, unfortunately, don’t return. Much like Condemned 2, much of the scare factor from the original game has been removed. Alma no longer scares me. There are a few jumps, but nothing compared to Condemned 1 or a few moments in FEAR (like the Alma-at-the-top-of-your-ladder bit). They try very hard to get a rise out of you, but mostly fall flat.

In brief, Project Origin is damn solid. It’s fun, if a bit heavy-handed, but with incredibly solid gunplay and a spit-shine level of professional polish. It took me about 10.6 hours to complete, from pressing play to the ending credits. I’d recommend it.

Also: about that ending. WT-royal-F. If anyone knows what the hell went on, email me.

(Thanks to GameTrailers.com for the video!)

Blizzard Software has struck again. The debut of the new Diablo 3 Trailer sent chills down my spine when it was first unveiled, and surely enthralled thousands (millions?) of Diablo fans all across the world.

This four-years-in-the-making game sticks to its roots; it’s an isometric adventure full of hack n’ slash action. Other than the large graphical overhaul, the game introduces some new gameplay elements, such as health orbs, and allows access to new character classes such as the Witch Doctor. Hopefully we can expect this game sometime next year, but you never know with Blizzard.

The Fallout games are best remembered as top-down turn-by-turn RPGs that blurred the line between fiction and reality. The dismal and decrepit worlds that the main character visited in his adventures were dark and gritty, but they had their fair share of humor and they were a blast to explore.

10 years after Fallout 2 hit stores comes Fallout 3, the newest installment in the series. Bethesda, the force behind The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, is developing the game. Bethesda is attempting to update the series to fit with the current generation of games, while trying not to mess too much with the formula that made the games so great in the first place.

The game starts you out in a nuclear vault, and introduces you to the new style that Bethesda has implemented in the game. Expect more creepy “uncanny-valley” chats with all kinds of NPCs throughout this game (a la Oblivion).

Fallout 3 seems to take familiar RPG elements from the old games, which is good for fans of the series. Bethesda even included area-specific damage, which is a series trademark.

Fallout 3 is due out Quarter Four of 2008, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Considering the 2-year turnaround time, I am really pushing for Treyarch to make this one good, I think they can do it and I would love them for it, but I’m still partially holding my breath.

(Thanks GameTrailers.)

It seems as though WoW’s walked away unscathed yet again.

Game Info

Developer: Funcom
Publisher: Funcom and Eidos Interactive
Release Date: May 20, 2008
Genre: MMORPG
Available Platforms: PC
Modes: Online only
Reviewer’s Experience: Played to level 25 on several classes across two servers.
Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy the inaugural review. Please, email or comment me any crits that you have.

What’s Great:

• First 20 levels are entirely voice-acted. This means that the game’s intro is spectacular–and, honestly, quite deceiving of most of the game’s quality.
• Single-player intro makes you feel like part of the story from the beginning, defeating the evil Red Hand on Tortage, although grinding in the multiplayer areas is recommended before facing these quests.
• Graphics shine for a MMORPG, especially in the detailed character models and forests. In this of age WoW, it’s impressive.
• Innovative “Real Combat” system is one of the few areas that shines past the intro. Directional attacks string together into combos. This is what will keep you coming back–grinding is no longer quite as boring.
• Player-built cities and strongholds are a pretty cool promise, and fairly well-executed.

What’s Not:

• Illusions of grandeur fall apart after first 20 levels. There’s not a single voice-acted quest after you  get off of the starting island, Tortage. You quickly fall into “fetch X of Y for Z” quest patterns.
• PVP griefing. Although this is a problem that plagues almost every game (MMORPG or not), some of the choices for PVP zones in this game were…questionable, to say the least. The tavern where I have six quests shouldn’t be a PVP zone. The village where you learn crafting shouldn’t be a PVP zone. It’s pretty frustrating, especially for melee characters, who often get killed by trick-arrow gankers.

Although these may seem like fairly minor grievances, I found myself quickly after the first area thinking, “This is WoW with a new coat of paint!” Though the developers promise new “destiny quests”–a voice acted quest every level–and changes to the PVP system, I have to wonder how many have already been lost, how many possible converts have gone back to WoW because of friends or whatever. Me, I’m going to stick with the game–I’m not a WoW player, and I’ve got nothing better to do. I’ll keep this article updated if it improves.

Overall, I think that Age of Conan starts out incredibly. The beginning really has the makings of a spectacular MMORPG. I just think that this one should’ve spent a little more time in the cooker. Maybe, in the future, it’ll be great. For now, all I hope is that some better game will come along and build upon Conan’s core mechanics–the excellent Real Combat system, which keeps combat interesting, and the story-driven introduction. Until then, well, WoW, you can keep your place on the pedestal of MMORPG God status.

I’ve been playing through Final Fantasy XI for the last couple of weeks because I found out that my friends were starting new characters.

For those of you who don’t know, Final Fantasy XI is a MMORPG… otherwise known as a massive, living, breathing world… in which players fight alongside each other to complete quests, kill Notorious Monsters, and to gain precious Experience Points, among other things. I play on the Cerberus server, in case anyone reading plays this game.

This is my character Ninevan on the Airship to Kazham, admiring the beautiful landscape in front of me. This picture should sate your graphical appetite.

About the same time I got my Kazham Keys, I got a Chocobo License, and I immediately proceeded to run about the countryside in glee with my feathered friend. I came across all kinds of weird and interesting creatures, such as this living tree:

After my excitement with the Chocobo ceased, I went about levelling with some friends for a while in hopes that I would reach level 30 and be able to finally access advanced jobs, such as the Dragoon.

After I finally hit 30, I realized that I had to go on a freaking quest to actually become a Dragoon, which kinda pissed me off, but made it more rewarding. The quest is suuuuuuper loooooong, but luckily I had some mates from my LinkShell (a.k.a., Guild) help me out, and so I was able to finish the quest in only one or two hours.

And so my Dragon was born, and I became a happy man. (Special thanks to Thantatos and Pasoheso for help with the quest!)