Why, Sid, why?

Game Info

Developer: Firaxis
Publisher: 2K Games
Release Date: July 9, 2008
Genre: Turn-based strategy/God game
Available Platforms: Xbox 360, PS3, DS
Modes: Singleplayer, cooperative and competitive online
Reviewer’s Experience: Played several games of varying difficulties on the Xbox 360, both singleplayer and multiplayer. Demo played on the PS3. DS version not reviewed at this time.
Editor’s Note: The screenshots on this page are from the official website, however, we can vouch for them–unlike Haze the game actually looks like this, when it isn’t lagging like a bitch.

Lately I’ve found myself caught in a rather interesting trend that I’m sure many others are stuck in as well. It starts out with a good idea, (port Civilization to current generation consoles), continues with anticipation, (”This is the game I’ve always wanted to make.”-Sid Meier), and ends with a hot, steamy plate of pure shit. If you’ve managed to put together what I’m talking about, get yourself a cookie, if not, slap your mother and go hide in a corner. What I’m speaking of obviously is the latest adventures of world renowned God-Game Civilization, and it’s newest incarnation, Civilization Revolution.

Let me simply start this bound-to-be-misguided rant by simply stating that I am a LONG time Civ fanatic, dating back to Civ 3, which I played at my sister’s boyfriend’s house because they were too busy making out on the couch to give a fuck what I was doing. From there I was hooked, and after the purchase of every Civ-related game under the Sun since, I decided it was only right to make with the purchase of civilization Revolution, especially after hearing the roaring reviews and praise from it’s own developers. What drove me to trust any developers word is beyond me, but otherwise the idea of it seemed sound…in the beginning.

Quickly as more and more information became available I came to realize that this new life-sucking demon about to enter my world was in fact, nothing like the warm, cuddly life-sucking demon I had come to know and love on my personal computer. It began with simple things, like a lack of workers, and swiftly erupted into “OMG WE’RE SO GONNA GET GAME OF THE YEAR FOR THE MULTIPLAYER”, to those who believe this, I simply say, no. If you’re on the hunt for this year’s hottest multipleyer strategy game, look elsewhere, I literally cried at how bad this game ended up. It’s buggy, confusing, and overall a bad experience.

Let me simply state how horrible the experience was (in terms of multiplayer of course) by pasting here the Skype chat that took place between Zac “Kato” North and I “2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER]” prior and following our attempt at this game.

[3:51:40 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: les go
[3:51:52 PM] Zac says: ready when j00 are
[3:51:57 PM] Zac says: we’ll use live chat, k?
[3:52:01 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: k
[3:52:10 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: no comp close enoguh anyway
[3:52:11 PM] Zac says: moving to living room
[3:52:16 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: k
[5:26:41 PM] Zac says: jesus christ that’s a terrible game
[5:26:44 PM] Zac says: I might take it bvack
[8:42:22 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: *sigh* why does everything being released lately just seem to end up a huge disappointment?
[8:42:43 PM] Zac says: dunno
[8:42:46 PM] Zac says: yuo seemed to play for a bit
[8:43:05 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: i actually played through a whole game
[8:43:12 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: gawd
[8:43:14 PM] Zac says: and did it suck?
[8:43:22 PM] Zac says: lol I wrote impressions at VN, leaving the review to you
[8:43:42 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: not absolutely, but it definitely doesnt FEEL like civ
[8:43:56 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: ya know what?
[8:43:59 PM] 2Lt. T. Hoffman [2nd AER] says: bts? [Ed: Referring to the current edition of Civilization 4, Beyond the Sword.]

If that doesn’t sum it up, I don’t know what does.

Before you say anything, you simple-minded hoodlums, let me state that, yes, I did play the single player, yes, it was boring, and no, I will not kill your dog for you.

Simply because I am required by law, I will state a few nice things about this game. It’s pretty (compared to Civ 4, which was released back in ‘05), has a decent control interface (it actually does compared to the crap I’m used to with strategy games on consoles), and it’s dumbed down enough for all the consoletards out there who wanna think they’re cool.

Overall, I give this game a resounding “*grumble*”

Please note that I only played the Xbox 360 version, and while I’m sure the PS3 version is about the same, the DS can go fuck itself [Ed: The DS versions sucks equally, although it is pretty for a DS game. There might be a short review of this forthcoming.]. Also, the term *grumble* is and always will be under my personal copyright of use it and I will kick your ass.

If you want more on the multiplyer I definitely recommend reading Zac’s article, as he basically covers all the feelings we had with several bugs in the game.